What to Expect

I usually have parenting stuff on the brain. And I was thinking about discipline today because, guess what, it's a day that ends in Y so some sort of kid discipline was needed.

Here's what crystallized for me this evening.

When it comes to discipline, one of the biggest keys to keeping your head is not taking a child's misbehavior personally. And that can be hard, because it feels personal. Like, I told you not to do that annoying / rude / irresponsible thing, and you're still doing it... so you must not respect me.

Somehow I keep getting shocked every time we hit a bump in the road -- when they turn on the TV before chores are done, get into the same old argument with their sibling, talk back, tattle, fill-in-the-blank -- whatever thing I've clearly and patiently explained to them is unacceptable and they still do it. Whaaaaat, you seriously did that?

Well... I'm not going to be shocked anymore.  :)

I'm realizing that I need a slightly different mindset so that I don't get irritated and so I can parent them better. And that mindset is this: Expect there to be bumps in the road. Accept it at the start of each day. Bumps are definitely going to happen and that is okay. The bumps are not a sign that the journey is going poorly. It was never meant to be a smooth road (and you wouldn't become a good driver if it was). The bumps are par for the course with children at this time in life because... they are kids and they do kid things.

This is their training time! I want them to grow up into kind, responsible, terrific, wise, considerate, human beings and I have every expectation they will. But they're not there yet. Right now they have seeds of those qualities, and they are naturally better at some than others. But they're not good at managing their emotions (or sometimes even at identifying them), or at navigating relationships, or at holding their tongue, or knowing what to say, or at setting their immediate wants aside to meet another's needs.

Those are all traits that take a lot of time and a lot of practice to master. Was I good at those things when I was a kid? Am I now? Is anybody perfect at anything right off the bat? No, and the only way we get better is with practice. And here's something that is an absolute given when it comes to practicing: you mess up. It is simply part of the process. So when kids "mess up" at being mature adults, I can understand it as just that. They are in training, practicing the skills that I expect them to master. I'm their captain, their coach, and their cheerleader, and we are working together toward a worthwhile goal.

A mess up calls for quick, unemotional correction to get things back on track. Good humor to keep the mood light. Patience when they drag their feet. Clear, logical, enforced consequences when needed. Repeat times a million; you can do this. Payoff moments will come in bits and pieces over the years and they will absolutely be worth every bit of effort you put into them.